Everything

Last night I experienced a strange realization.

It happened when I said to God, "I want to give you my life."  He stopped me, and showed me the picture I had unknowingly painted for him: me, standing alone, reaching out to give Him something -- to give Him my "life".  My time, my resources, my money, my actions...these were all things I was attempting to lift up to Him.  But something wasn't right.  

I stood there trying to give him those things, thinking, "Now, You'll have everything."

No!  

Because afterwards, I was still standing there.  

It took me a moment to realize that He wanted me. 

He didn't want me to stand from a distance and hand Him things, He wanted me to step forward and say, "Here am I!"

                                           http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xW1d7jUSqwQ

Always New Mercies

Each morning I’m greeted by the happy-looking flowers of a strange plant that grows outside of my door.  Bright -- but not dark -- purple, they face outward and upward, smiling at me, my cat, and whatever else happens by.  It’s grown larger since we moved here, and it took us quite a while to identify it as a weed.  It’s the happiest, prettiest weed I’ve ever seen, and more than that, it does the strangest thing.

All day long the flowers stay bright and fresh, looking strong and healthy.  By evening they begin to fall.  They don’t wither, they just fall, and their petals fade into the ground so quickly that by dark there is no evidence that they existed.  If I look very hard, I might be able to see one lying on the ground, colorless and impossibly delicate.  

The plant sits and waits, and by the next morning the flowers are back again, shining and happy as ever.

When I looked at them this morning, I found a great comfort.  I know they’re going to be back tomorrow, the next day, and the day after that.  They’ve never failed to bloom.  I’ve learned to rely on that.  

I think it’s helped me to see God’s mercies in the same way: daily.  Enough for the hour.  The minute.  The moment.  Not that He’s going to run out of mercies, or that He can’t douse on us mercies to last us all year or a decade, but there is something special about this renewal with Him -- about trusting Him enough to accept what He’s giving us now.    

Today.  

And then, tomorrow.  We know that we’ll have what we need then.  He’ll give it to us.  He’s promised.  

                                                     http://youtu.be/TpZC6TWkBSw

Always My Stronghold

I want to feel self-sufficient.

I want to arrange my schedule so that everything makes perfect sense.  I want only to attempt things I know I can handle.  And I want to make really sure that I don't get hurt by anyone or anything. 

Recently, God has been reminding me that this place of self-dependance is a very dangerous one.  Where is my faith?  What about the promise that there is nothing too big for Him to handle?  If I'm busy relying on my own talents and abilities as I percieve them to be, when will I turn to God? 

Moses didn't want to obey God because he percieved himself to be a bad public speaker.  I know the feeling.  Too many times I have felt like saying, "I'm terribly sorry, but You have the wrong person.  There is no way I can do what you're asking me to!  I don't have the training, I don't have the talent!"

Maybe that's the point.  Maybe our inadequacies are what makes us perfect for the job he's called us to do.  When we know we can't rely on ourselves, then we have no choice but to rely on our Father.

It's a most liberating truth, even though it sounds scary.  I know that His power flowing through me - a vessel - will fill up all my weaknesses and conquer my fear, and He will accomplish so much more than I could have on my own!

What an honor it is to be weak, so that His strength can be made perfect in us.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zS5LRRsNYZk

True

Try to wrap your mind around this:

Jesus died for you.

It's still difficult for me to comprehend.  I think we've talked about it so much, that it almost feels "cliche" -- and then there are those moments when it hits me, and I stumble back, overwhelmed.  Can it be true that my King and Creator is also my Savior and very best Friend? 

It is! 

                                              http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nPErSyk5iHs

Free

"You act like you're under bondage, but you're not."

I woke with a start.  "What do you mean, Lord?  What should I do?", I interrupted.

But God wasn't finished.

"You act like you're under this bondage.  You live like you are.  But you're not.  You are free!  You are free!" 

That was all He said.  And something changed inside.  I felt a little bolder, a little stronger, and more able to stand against the enemy.  I didn't care as much what people thought anymore.  I knew He was here, and that He was guiding me.  What an incredible upper-hand we have for any trial -- the Creator of the Universe looking out for us. 

This bondage -- what did He mean?  Perhaps it's the way I cower in the corner when Satan condemns me or tries to confuse me.  Maybe it's the way I sit silently with my heart beating out of my chest when I know I need to say something, or how guiltily compelled I feel to "reason with" and "tolerate" untruth, instead of rejecting it.  The bondage probably includes all of those things, and more. 

So what if they laugh?  So what if they kill me?

Here's to living like we're free. 

                                          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4d1GjzYbMBg

Always Like Sheep

God calls us His sheep. 

I used to think of this in very general terms -- just an analogy to help us understand that He gently guides us through the pastures and valleys of life.  Lately, however, I've come to realize that there are quite a few sheepish characteristics that can also be found in us.  When I began looking into them, it helped to open my eyes and greater understand this "Shepherd" relationship we have with Him.

Sheep are helpless when they fall on their backs.  They cannot get up on their own, and they cannot help each other get up.  They are absolutely dependant upon their shepherd to find them in their distress and bring them to their feet again. 

Sheep were not meant to carry burdens.  Their fragile backs will break when loaded with heavy objects.

Sheep don't drink like they should when left to themselves.  They will become dehydrated although there is plenty of water available and in sight.  Shepherds sometimes have to move the sheep's face to the water to remind it to drink.

Do you see the similarities?  Like sheep, we need Him completely -- not just for assistance, but to literally pick us up, and set us right again.  We cannot function when burdened with cares and worries, and like a good shepherd, He doesn't lay those things on our backs.  We can be free when we turn to Him with our anxiety.  And like sheep, we forget to drink when we need to.  We get so distracted.  We feel so self-sufficient.  How wonderful it is that He knows when we're thirsty even when we don't, and that He will not only lead us to Living Water, but touch it to our lips. 

What a good Shepherd we have.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzPxQ4WFYOY&feature=related

My Elohim

Tonight has been full of realizations, although I don't think I've realized that until now. 

Grief is complicated.  I see myself somewhat as a struggling child -- getting upset, then getting angry with myself, and being caught in an emotional web that seems to be endless.  All the time God is holding me in His arms.  He isn't angry.  He completely understands.  He sees into my heart, and turns the ugly into something new -- something I'll be thankful for forever. 

It's hard to realize all of this in the midst of the storming emotions.  It takes a touch from Him to be able to see the truth -- just a glimmer of light, and then some more, until I can see His face and finally realize He's been here all along.

Are you feeling hopeless?  I know exactly what it's like.  So does He!  And He's right there to lift up anyone who will call on Him.  The fact that you can't feel Him or hear Him means nothing.  His truth is so much greater than our minds or our senses, or any lie that creeps into our thoughts. 

"My deliverance and my asteem depend on Elohim; the rock of my strength, my refuge is in Elohim.  Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your heart before Him.  Elohim is a refuge for us.  Selah."